Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
