Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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