thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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