If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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