guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
