I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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