You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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