if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
