I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
