and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
