Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize