so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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