I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
