Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
