I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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