i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
