she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
