I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
