Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
