we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
