I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
