Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
