You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
