Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
