Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
