instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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