I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
