If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
organizing the empties. That sober.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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