i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
