Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
