I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
