I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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