Where is the hickey?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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