I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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