I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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