we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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