only you would photoshop your dick
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did not marry a roomba.
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