Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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