the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The ass gains better be worth it
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