well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
