Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
