Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
