i love accidental penises.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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