The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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