My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
