I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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