Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
