New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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