Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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