Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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