it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
