I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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