I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
