I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
