So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
