using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
