Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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