lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
