Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
