cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
