Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
one two three fourrrrnication!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
