hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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