Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
