Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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