Ambien. No doubt about it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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