Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
