she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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