why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she pinky promised me she was 18
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
