I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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