You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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