i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
