Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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